I love dolls. I love all kinds of dolls. It would suit me just fine to have one of every doll ever put on a shelf. They fascinate me. My first porcelain doll was Scarlet O’Hara in the white dress with the green flowers – the one she wore to the barbeque. I wanted all of the Scarlet O’Hara dolls, but this was the only one I ever had. I was heartbroken when, during a move, she was shattered to pieces. I kept the dress and the wig.
I also had Alice in Wonderland and Gretel. Was thinking it’d be cool to have the entire fairy tale collection, but never got them. Alice and Gretel are still in perfect form. I also hoped to one day have a doll from every country – sort of a “Jesus Loves the Little Children of the World” thing. Still working on that one. J
I had always dreamed of making my own porcelain dolls one day, and though I have never created my own molds, I have had the amazing opportunity to make several dolls. I was intrigued with the entire experience. I remember soaking and gently scrub those first pieces. Before the porcelain is fired, it is very soft, weak, and crude in appearance. You had to handle it very gently because the tiniest bit of pressure could cause the soft, clay form to crumble in your hands.
After it has been fired it is much stronger and looks more like porcelain and less like clay. At this point it must be sanded with a fine sand paper. Sometimes in this sanding, cracks, holes, an imperfections may become visible. Sometimes the imperfections are too great and you just have to start over with that piece – from the beginning. Other times, the imperfection does not weaken the piece in any way at all and may actually add a bit of character. And other times, you are able to sand out the imperfection completely.
After all the sanding and buffing are done, you are able to paint. This is where the appearance of personality is given. And a final firing to make the painting permanent. After this you get to choose an set the eyes and hair, assemble the doll and choose the clothing. The finished product never disappoints!
I’ve made a lot of moves in my lifetime, many compliments of the USAF, During these moves, many of my dolls have become damaged in some way. Tom Sawyer, who very much reminds me of my sons, had a cracked scull. Hillary, the only fully porcelain doll I made, had a broken leg, an injury caused by a toddler, not a move. I made her a new one, but before I could put it on, she lost an arm. Another doll lost a foot, and her ankle is quite sharp!
I still have these broken and shattered dolls. People have asked me why I don’t just throw them out. I can’t. I just can’t get rid of them. These dolls were a dream come true to me. I put my heart into crafting each one. I chose each of them, the mold, the color of the skin, the eyes, the hair. Each one was exactly the one I wanted to make at that time. Each one, though broken, is still very meaningful and beautiful to me. I keep them in hopes of one day being able to repair them to their full beauty.
Life is so much like that. As we are put through the fire, we become stronger. As we allow God to sand away the rough places, our beauty shines through. Unfortunately, life doesn’t stop coming at us. The changes, stages, phases, and moves of life can leave us broken, feeling like damaged goods that just need to be tossed out. Heck, you may even have people in your life who tell you that you are damaged and worthless.
God NEVER EVER sees you that way. You are His. He fashioned you with His own hands. He chose to create you at a very specific time for a very specific reason. To Him, you are very valuable and very beautiful.
I know my dolls have no feelings, but let’s pretend they do. Suppose the feel as if I put them on the top shelf of my closet because they are not good enough to be put on display. Suppose they feel that I am ashamed of them or even that they disgust me. And that might appear to be true, but that is certainly NOT the truth. They are on the top shelf to protect them from further damage, and in the case with the broken ankle, to protect others as well. Broken pieces have an unintentional way of hurting others.
If the enemy has been screaming in your ear that you are too damaged, you are worthless, you are broken, God is ashamed of you, etc, know this – IT IS NOT TRUE! God is not ashamed of you. He loves you. He has not forgotten about you. I assure you, HE HAS NOT! His desire is ALWAYS for you to be restored.
Maybe you are in a season of waiting. Know this…You are always on His mind.
Waiting is hard work, especially if you feel like you are waiting in the dark. WAIT! And then wait a little longer. Trust Him. Know that He sees your true beauty. He wants to restore you. He wants to make you whole.
If I cannot throw out dolls that I made, HOW MUCH MORE will He not throw you out, YOU, made in HIS image! No!! HE LOVES YOU. YOU ARE HIS. HE WILL NOT CAST YOU OUT.
…those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint” Isaiah 40:31
BrokenandBeautifulME 